Failed Kickstarters

This is where million-dollar ideas come to die.

The Millennial Microwave™

The laziest microwave for the laziest generation! Just add 30 seconds, and then go get a job while you’re at it, you malformed cod-suckler!

 

The Urinal Slot Machine™

Thanks to this innovative take on the term “jackpot”, you can piss away your father's fortune and your excess protein with just one royal flush!

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The Shower Steamer 9000™

Put that shower steam to work and soften your broccoli while you treat your epidermis! Great for military men!

Fight Tacos With Tacos

Introducing the world’s first edible anti-perspirant. Not only does it prevent tacos, it even tastes like tacos, too! It’s a mockery of science and culture, the bastard child of Mexican cuisine and American avarice, the perfect abomination! Don’t believe us? Give it a rub…and a lick!

The Hella Hoop®

Who knew the eighth ring of Hell could be so much fun? Say “Aloha” to Lucifer Morningstar with the Hella Hoop®, and feed the flames of the eternal inferno with your rapid hip rotations!

 

ZAP Taser Alarm Clock™

It has fewer calories than coffee, better breath than your ex-lover, and it's legal in most states: it's the ZAP Taser Alarm Clock™, and it’s America's favorite way to start the day! You’ll never feel more energized, unless you’ve actually been tased by the police before in which case you’ll likely be bitterly disappointed with this low-voltage excuse for a good time!