M. Jagger Moore
San Francisco, CA

Failed Kickstarters

This is where million dollar ideas come to die.

The Millennial Microwave™
The laziest microwave for the laziest generation! Just add 30 seconds, and then go get a job while you’re at it, you malformed draffsack!

The Urinal Slot Machine™
With this innovative take on the term “jackpot”, you can piss away your father's fortune and your excess protein with just one royal flush!

The Shower Steamer 9000™
Put that shower steam to work and soften your broccoli while you treat your epidermis! Great for military men!

Fight Tacos With Tacos
Introducing the world’s first edible anti-perspirant. Not only does it prevent tacos, it even tastes like tacos, too! It’s a mockery of science and culture, the bastard child of Mexican cuisine and American avarice, the perfect abomination! Don’t believe us? Give it a rub…and a lick!

The Hella Hoop®
Who knew the eighth ring of Hell could be so much fun? Say “Aloha” to Lucifer Morningstar with the Hella Hoop®, and feed the flames of the eternal inferno with your rapid hip rotations!

ZAP Taser Alarm Clock™
It has fewer calories than coffee, better breath than your ex-lover, and it's legal in most states: it's the ZAP Taser Alarm Clock™, and it’s America's favorite way to start the day! You’ll never feel more energized, unless you’ve actually been tased by the police before in which case you’ll likely be bitterly disappointed with this low-voltage excuse for a good time! 

Forged in the germinal workshop of an intergalactic wordmonger, M. Jagger Moore carefully constructs copy with the piquant finesse of an Andalusian stallion and the dogged efficacy of an analog clock set to military time (batteries included). His brain is made of rose-colored gelatin and his fingers are fashioned from hot glue and popsicle sticks. He has never thrown a baguette at an unsuspecting Mallard.